They say people who do this type of yoga regularly lose a lot of weight in the beginning and then maintain a leaner body. In class, you can definitely tell who the regulars are. As for me, I can tell after just a week of doing this every day, that the shape of my body is changing. It’s subtle, but I notice it most in my torso – it seems to be longer. So I may not be actually losing weight yet, but I’m definitely toning. There is a sort of shifting going on. I’m also building endurance, because there are some poses I can actually hold now and I’m seeing slow progress in my practice as a whole!
Today the room was hotter than usual, so I opted to stay in the back again. Some day I hope to be able to move forward to the front, so I can see myself more clearly in the mirror. That way my focus should improve too, as there are less things to look at. I wasn’t very motivated this morning, it’s been sort of a struggle getting up yet I’m also grateful that I have something to get up for. My schedule has changed a lot since I left my last job. I am officially going batty from the search. Having a goal to work towards really helps me get my self-esteem, motivation and well-being back in order. I know, I know, some day I will look back at this time and wonder why I didn’t have more fun. But let’s face it, I had fun the first few months. Once I got back to business, it was back to business. And I can’t play with the “what if” game. I did what I did and I learned a lot in the process and I am in an even better place now, even if I took the long way ’round! It’s just my impatience, it keeps creeping up and causes my self-esteem to plummet. It’s a double-edged sword, for sure. Taking a deep breath.
Dandayamana-Janushirasana, or Standing Head to Knee Pose is one of the most difficult poses for me. It took a while to just hold my foot in my hands alone. After your one leg is locked out, the instructor tells you to kick your other foot out, and there you are standing and holding your foot out and bending forward all at the same time. This takes tremendous focus and energy. In this pose I can see my sweat dripping down on my towel. I know, gross! My grip must not be tight enough, or maybe it’s the sweat that causes my interlocked hands to slip apart. However today was momentous. I was able to hold out each leg, even though that leg was bent, I have never come this far before. I probably held it for 2 seconds, but it’s still 2 seconds longer than before! I really do look forward to the day where my legs will not be bent anymore. Oh my hamstrings. How did they ever get so tight?
It has occurred to me that I might be working out tension and things that were present in my body not only for days, but decades. All the instructors say this and it makes me wonder what I’m working out. And today, when she said the Camel Pose was very emotional, a light bulb went off. Sometimes at the end of practice I feel like crying. Today I felt like that after attempting this posture. And like I said before, this is my toughest position yet. My heart races as I just kneel there with my hands on my back! I often I need to sit down and catch my breath. I try to quiet my breath in this pose, and eventually I’ll be able to lean back. It’s a good reminder that all of this is a work in progress.
