Waterfalls June 29, 2008

I went to see Olafur Eliasson’s Waterfalls, along the East River. We couldn’t have picked a better time to go, as the sun was starting to set and the sky was a beautiful shade of pink and purple. I love the twilight hour, whether it is dawn or dusk. And being along the river there is a such a nice breeze!

And then I had a discussion with another friend of mine about public art. His argument was that our tax dollars were going to this project, which would promote tourist dollars and therefore support big box stores that are invading our beloved city. While I’m no fan of big box stores, I’m not sure I totally agree. What makes this a great city to live in is the abundance of art and culture. While large publicized installments such as this one will certainly draw in crowds of tourists, it’s free to the public which is a treat. There’s no denying that Mayor Bloomberg is first and foremost a businessman, yes. But I guess it doesn’t really bother me that much. I like to view public art as something that’s available to everyone, regardless of socioeconomic status. Here we were, enjoying the falls with people we’d never see set foot in a museum. I find a lot of beauty in that.

And as I walked down to meet my friend by the Brooklyn Bridge, I wound through the heart of the Lower East Side into the depths of Chinatown. It felt like another world – and I loved it. This is what the real New York feels like to me. People who have lived here for generations, playing ball in the local playgrounds. I don’t think they even spoke much English. I used my instincts and took streets that led me south and east, not knowing my direct path but keeping my eye on the bridges. It was a fun walk, I should do that more often.

hoto by Kathy Wu:

Getting Out Of The Comfort Zone June 24, 2008

I’m working with this new motto these days, and I’m having a lot of fun with it. I just signed up for a swim class today. My second one ever! I first learned how to swim 10 years ago, at the age of 23. It still is one of the best things I’ve done in my life so far. I had such a deep rooted fear of swimming. Overcoming that fear was an amazing experience for me.

Only I didn’t get rid of that fear entirely the first time. Apparently one class didn’t rid a lifetime of fear, especially fear as an adult. I always envied my friends growing up who would go to the pool, splish splashing their way through summer. In the rare event that I did go to the pool, you could find me in hanging out in the shallow end, not knowing what to do with myself. I hate to place the blame here, but I think my fear of the water came one summer when my dad took us to a lake. He and I walked out to the water, and the stones under my feet were making me uncomfortable. So my father picked me up and carried me out. He was ready to let go of me before I was and the next thing I know I’m under water, eyes open staring out at the green muck gasping for air. I could probably still even stand where I was but everything seemed so deep to me, just as the world looms so large when you’re so little in it. The experience was so traumatizing to me I hated the water after that. I was probably 10 years old.

In South Africa, Chinese is the New Black June 19, 2008

Say whaaaa? Yea. There was an article posted in the China Journal blog of the Wall Street Journal today. A high court ruled that Chinese South Africans will be reclassified as “black”. I know, it’s confusing. But the term “black” in South Africa includes not only bonafide black Africans, but also Indians and others who were subject to discrimination under apartheid. Apparently Chinese people have struggled with racism and lived in the outskirts since the early 20th century.

I’ve always been fascinated by the migration patterns of various groups of people; particularly in the spread of cuisine. People bring their culture and their food and it evolves with the new culture and environment. I wonder what Italian Chinese food would taste like? Are there various courses – first, second and third? I would imagine they would incorporate some regional flair into the food.

My friend Dave, who lived in South Africa for many years, refers to his Chinese South African friends as “chiggas”. Chinese niggas, if you will. I never understood where that term came from but now it makes more sense to me. It also made me realize how narrow my view was. I’m so focused on the plight of Asian Americans that I’ve managed to overlook the Asian experience in different countries. That’s a sign that I need to travel more! Either that or meet more international people.

If You Can’t Stand The Heat, Then Get Out Of The Kitchen June 15, 2008

Yesterday was a rainy day and I wasn’t feeling well, so I decided to have my own Top Chef Marathon. It was wildly entertaining for me, since my roots are firmly planted in food. Love, love love food.

I grew up in the back of a kitchen of a Chinese American restaurant in a blue collar city in the midwest. My earliest memories are surrounded by images of asian cooks and waitresses from various places abroad. Once in a while there would be the token caucasian – usually in the form of a waitress or hostess. Everyone else was from the fringes of society. Of course I did not realize this as a child. It only dawned on me as an adult, when I would go home and visit from my studies at the university. That was when I realized where I came from. I came from the womb of the restaurant world and I would spend the rest of my life trying to run away from it.

Instead of growing up playing with the neighborhood kids, most of my days were made up of hanging around the kitchen, prepping food and listening to the cursing and yelling of the cooks in a mixture of English and the various asian languages I was unfamiliar with. Sometimes my cousin Sophia and I would find a cook to pick on by shooting rubber bands or by sabotaging his take-out station. But most of the time we stayed out of the way or made ourselves useful by doing whatever needed to be done. I mean, what could kids really do in the kitchen? We ate shrimp chips and fortune cookies galore. We would remove the prefabricated fortune from the cookies and insert our own crude comments. We’d walk around and kill flies, keeping count and with a running tally for the winner. On hot days we’d hang out in the walk-in fridge until we got busted and sent back to work. We watched Popeye on a small black and white television in the closet. We’d make ourselves root beer floats. Not a bad place for a kid, really.

I remember doing work as soon as I was old enough to be told what to do. Some of my earliest memories are of making wontons with my brother and cousins in the back of the kitchen with my great grandmother. When I think about it, it was a great place for a family to be together, even if it was hard.

If At First You Don’t Succeed, Try Try Again June 11, 2008

re·ject

-verb

to refuse to have, take, recognize, etc.

Rejection is the act or process of rejecting. Our mothers tell us at a very young age, “if at first you don’t succeed, try try again”. Ah, words of wisdom. Of course it’s easier said than done. At this point in my life, I should be used to it by now. I’ve had my fair share in the last few months of my job search. So what have I learned from all this?

I learned that rejection is a part of life and that in order to get to where you want, you have to experience everything in its glory. It’s all about perseverance and persistence. I was a negative nelly for a few days, but somehow I’ve figured out how to turn rejection into more of a positive experience. It’s helping me hone into more of what I’m looking for.

Not My Baby Blues June 10, 2008

At some point in the modern woman’s life, she may think about having children. The desire to have a child can hit a woman at any age. For me the pangs started when I was 28. I didn’t know it then, but that pang would grow into full-fledged baby mania for a few years. Thank god it didn’t last that long! Now, I have come to terms that it is a possibility it may not happen for me in this lifetime. Many people say to me, “oh, you have time, you’re young”. And I know that. But they don’t know my dating history and that it’s pretty rare for me to come across anyone I want to date, much less have a child with. Besides, this isn’t all about me as I know many women who actually try to conceive and can’t get pregnant. In this day and age women (especially urban women) start trying to have children later in their lives. I think it remains uncertain why some women are more fertile than others. What I do know is that it’s kind of a catch-22. Today women have a great opportunity to advance in their careers and live out a fabulous single life. There are plenty of choices and multiple paths to take, but at what expense?

The New York Times posted an article today titled “Facing Life Without Children”. The article talks about the growing online community of women who blog about their struggles. I never understood the power of online support groups until I had a personal issue come up last year. It was a place where I could go and talk about my issues under the umbrella of anonymity. And I never realized how many people out there struggle with the very same issues I was dealing with. It’s about time people started to share their stories of IVF treatments and personal experiences of natural conception to adoption. It’s a huge topic that touches every part of a woman’s life.

And, as good as the case to have children may be, I’m in no hurry to do it right now.

If You Can’t Beat It, Embrace It June 9, 2008

I thought that going to yoga was the craziest idea in this weather. However they say that spicy food originated in hot/tropical climates because it makes people sweat; and sweating is the body’s natural defense against heat. The body cools down after a good sweat.

I went to Bikram Yoga yesterday and it was downright hellish. In fact it felt like my first class all over again minus the headache. The heat was so oppressive. I went again tonight because apparently I’m sort of masochist and it was a little better. Hey, the instructors were right, you do acclimate to the heat! Yes, it’s 95 degrees out, and it feels like it’s 200 degrees in the room. So what the hell, why not? The difference is you’re doing yoga. And I know it sounds crazy but it feels good. It feels good because it takes my mind off of everything else and forces me to be in the room, in the moment with my mind and body. Lately my mind has been polluted by negative thoughts. Not because I invite them in, it’s purely circumstantial. And normally I am able to fight them off when they try to creep in, but I’m feeling kind of vulnerable at the moment. So I figure it’s ok to feel that way once in a while. I think I’ll try to escape it by treating myself to an air conditioned movie tomorrow. A girlie brainless movie like SATC sounds good. And you bet I’ll be going solo, armed with popcorn, candy or some other cinema nosh.

The best thing about doing yoga in this heat is the fact that that my muscles are already warmed up before I go in and I’ve been able to go further in the poses I normally struggle with. For instance, I think I’ll be able to grab my feet in Camel Pose soon! It’s only taken me oh, 40 days to get to this point in my practice. Although I am aware there is a lifetime worth of learning in yoga. Also, back bending is coming much easier and I’m really digging the fact that I can reach farther, go farther!!

Hot in the City June 8, 2008

I’m bracing myself for the next few days of sweltering heat. I went out this morning to buy a fan, I don’t know how I’ve been living without one this long!

A friend of mine told me about the Jazz Age Festival at Governor’s Island this weekend. Where is Governor’s Island, you ask? It’s that mysterious spot of park land a ferry ride away from lower Manhattan. I am willing to bet it’s pretty awesome since not many people know or even think about it. I ride past the ferry terminal all the time and tell myself I should check it out but never do. I wish I could motivate to go, but today I need to catch up on some reading and prepare for a couple of interviews this week. I think I’ll take my bike out there next weekend and explore for a day. Already so many questions come to mind, like: what is the origin of the name, what was the island originally used for and what is it now? I’ll report back on those burning questions and more.

Day 30, Jubilee! June 1, 2008

I finished my 30 day challenge today, Woohoo! In those 30 days there was a lot of blood moving, sweat dripping and tears flowing. I can’t believe it’s passed by this quickly. They go by fast, don’t they. So now what? Well, I keep going. It’s the only thing that keeps me grounded these days. And I’ll enjoy it while it lasts. I’m going to take myself out for a treat tonight.

Tricia, the director at Bikram Lower East Side, told me a while back that the practice gets easier in some ways and harder in others. I now see what she means. After doing this for 30 days consecutively I became accustomed to the heat and I am familiar enough with the practice to know in which order to perform the postures. However, every day my body feels different and now I pay more attention to the details of the postures, especially the alignment.

Here’s a summary of my progress for all the poses:

Standing Deep Breathing: It took me a while to get the hang of this one: for the longest time I couldn’t get my shoulders to relax. Then one day I felt what it was supposed to be and now I can ease into it. Don’t get me wrong, I still have days where my shoulders are tense but now I know how to relax them in a few more reps. This sets the foundation for the entire practice, it’s all in the breath.

Half Moon Pose: Looks easy, but trust me, it’s not. In the beginning I couldn’t even keep my arms up for the full duration. Now I can keep my arms up but still working on the details of aligning myself properly and trusting myself to go deeper into the stretch.

Awkward Pose: Sitting in a chair that’s not there works the arms, legs and core. It took me a while to be able to complete both sets of this posture – a killer on the ass and thighs! I can tell my thighs and legs are firming up. I still struggle some days but have had some great progress here.

Eagle Pose: “Imagine twisting yourself like a wet rope” is a great way to describe this posture. Not only does this pose look pretty, there’s a whole lot going on. It’s all about balancing the weight equally so you don’t fall out. It’s challenging, because your one arm is going one way, your other arm the other way and same for your legs. Additionally there’s proper alignment. Fingers under your nose, toes wrap around the calf so you can see them in the front mirror, chest up and finally sitting down deeply into that pretend chair – all on one foot.

Standing Head to Knee Pose: One would think that standing on one foot is easy, but oh, think again. Only in recent days can I just hold my foot in my hands for the full duration. I still have not been able to go into the full expression by extending my leg out. I’m looking forward to that day.

Standing Bow Pulling Pose: In the early days, I could barely pull my leg back up to my shoulders. Now I can see my foot peeking out behind my shoulders, and, on a good day I can pull it above my head for a short time. I’ve been able to hold this pose for the full minute in the last couple of classes. Eureka!

Balancing Stick: Sometimes I could not even do this posture, as the Standing Pulling Pose took too much juice out of me. It’s also one that keeps the heart rate high so I had to build some endurance for this. Now I can complete both sets, although they are pretty tough I can get through them.

Standing Separate Leg Stretching: It took me a while to lock my knees in this one, and once I was able to do so I could not (and still cannot) reach over and grab my heels. After a while I realized that I needed to put my weight on the balls of my feet and this made grabbing my feet even harder. An attempt to grab my heels resulted in tremendous pulling that hurts so I just don’t do that right now. I can tell I’m getting closer though.

Triangle Pose: “The heart of the standing series”. This posture makes me feel like my body is being pulled in many different directions. Arm up, arm down, leg out, thigh parallel to the floor, leg back with knee locked, side twisted, head looking at hand – you name it. I can tell that I’ve built up some strength in my thighs but it’s still hard to sit all the way down. My leg shakes and shakes. Hell, even my arms shake in this one. The instructor came by to realign me today and I realized that my legs have been either too close or far apart and my arms not reaching high enough. They say this one can be challenging for a lifetime. Well that gives me time to work on this one, doesn’t it?

Standing Separate Leg/Head to Knee Pose: Oddly enough, this pose was easier for me in the beginning. I think it’s because I wasn’t doing it correctly. This one’s all about core strength. I used to sit this one out too, since I’m usually tired / freaked out from Triangle Pose. The hard part about this posture is coming back up as I tend to shake and lose my balance. As I build my core strength I should be able to round up with no problem.

Tree Pose: One of my favorite poses of all time, this one is relatively easy for me. It’s also a calm place for me to go after a vigorous standing series. I can very easily space out in this pose for a long time. Not only is this a very comforting posture, this is also a very attractive one.

Toe Stand: Ah, Toe Stand. When I saw this posture for the first time I thought to myself, “I could never do that!”. I saw people sink so easily into this pose and when I tried, I felt fear. Fear that I was going to fall forward onto my face. I did not realize at that point that my hands would catch me. It took a while but I eventually got down there. I’ve been able to get down into this pose for a while but still cannot bring both my hands up to prayer. I still put most of my weight onto my fingertips and haven’t figured out how to balance it all out yet. My toes can’t be the only things holding me up. I suspect I will have to call upon my core strength too. This is definitely a work in progress.

Corpse Pose: My all-time favorite pose! Who doesn’t love a good Savasana? I try not to let too many thoughts invade during this time. They try to sneak in and throw off my breathing and concentration. I like to look up at the baby blue panels and envision clear blue skies over yonder. Sometimes the two minutes go by in a snap and others, it can be an eternity.

Wind Removing Pose: I’ll never forget the day when someone literally farted during this pose. Wind removing it is! I’m just glad it didn’t smell. I can see how that can happen, poor thing. I used to think this pose was easy to do and again I realized I wasn’t doing it quite correctly. In the correct posture one is supposed to be supremely compact and feel a pinch in the legs and hips. It’s a stretch for the spine, not the legs as I am used to doing.

Sit-Up: I think this pose is highly underrated. I was doing them somewhat lackadaisically in the beginning until one day, the instructor told us a strong Sit-Up sets us up for strong postures that follow. And she was right. The key lies in how this pose is executed: arms above the head, thumbs crossed, feet flexed, breathe in (hold while coming up strong), touch the toes with a strong double exhale.

Cobra Pose: For the record, I never used my hands to push myself up in this one. But I also realize that my spine strength is not as strong as I thought it was. There are some days when I feel strong, and some days not so much. I find one of the most difficult parts of this posture is looking up and back. Or is it the opening of the heart part?

Locust Pose: I thought this one was a piece of cake until I realized that I’m not supposed to use my other leg to support the one in the air. I still can’t figure out the mechanics of it all but I think I’m getting closer. I dread the part where both legs come up up up. My arms are squashed by the end of it and it feels great to let the blood flow freely again.

Full Locust Pose: I’ve always envied people who had dreams about flying. Well now I can get that feeling in this posture! It’s a challenging pose and at the same time it’s a very uplifting pose. Sometimes I feel like my stomach is a piece of lead and I’m glad I’m not the only one as I hear grunting during this pose, mostly from men.

Bow Pose: This posture is the culmination of the previous floor postures. This one is very challenging for me, as I’m tired from the previous poses. It’s really hard to keep my thighs and feet close together – they tend to splay out to the sides. The inner thigh muscles are to be summoned here but they don’t always obey.

Fixed Firm Pose: This one does a doozy on the ol’ knees. I figured it out that it’s better to get into this posture slowly. I can’t get all the way down to the floor yet, but in time I will. When I get back up, my legs paralyze me for a few seconds because they are so stiff. I just take it slow, there’s no rush.

Half Tortoise Pose: This posture could be mistaken with yoga’s Child Pose but it’s quite different. In this pose I feel a huge stretch in my shoulders. Once I touch the edge of my hands to the floor, I let my hips sink and squeeze my thighs and heels together. I use my core strength to get me back up. I always have to remind myself to stay engaged, because I tend to want to relax here.

Camel Pose: This pose made me cry a few times, I think it’s because it’s a heart opener. “The poses that are most difficult and uncomfortable for you are the ones you should focus on most. It is your body’s way of telling you that these are the things you need to work on.” So I did. After a while the crying stopped and now I can at least get into position. I haven’t been able to go back and grab my heels yet, but I’m working on getting my heartbeat to calm down before moving further. The same pose that could make me cry can also give me the best rush too! Go figure.

Rabbit Pose: Out of all the postures, this is the one I feel like I’m not doing correctly consistently. For some reason I can never get my head to touch my knees, even when I walk my knees up. Is it wrong to hope that someday it will all just come into place?

Separate Leg Stretching Head to Knee Pose: By the time I reach this point I’ve worked up quite a sweat. I’ll admit that in the beginning I wouldn’t really pull in this stretch. After a while I realized it was beneficial to stretch here and that I could go further each time. The goal here is to eventually straighten the leg.

Spine Twisting: I enjoy twisting. It’s fun to pick a new point every day, further than the spot I picked the day before. I feel a little bit like a wet towel being wringed out here. I always look forward to this posture, mostly because it’s the last posture before final breathing and Savasana.

Blowing in Firm (Breath of Fire): I always get a massive headrush after this one. It’s hard to exhale and have only your belly move, no bouncing! The first round is doable, once we get to the second round, it’s harder because we go twice as fast. I’m glad I’m already on the ground for this one.